My Last Stay

 My Last Stay*

25.10.2022

My Last stay with the shrunken house- Lady on rent

In Market area of Jalandhar cantt, Punjab

With vile as her true companion and shrewd maliciousness as her true identity

And violent outbursts of a vampire...

I stayed.

with the freshly painted, remodelled 1room house with much priced wallpaper 

Somehow was so painful to my bio-mental set up,

It crashed.

Everything was intact. Every corner was organised.

But something whispered-

Nothing i find here

With which i can connect 

& feel grounded, acclinatized

After a while,

And failed to operate normal.

Sleepless nights continued 

With shaken, shrivelled, desected days, following.

Every fibre of the system was out of the place.

A Foreign feeling took to the root of Alienation.

Here in Kanan Vihar,

With another dishelved house lady whose heart breeds contempt, suspicion, fire, poison, machinations for me, 

Again in an 1 roomed room arrangement,

closed-fisted or almost restricted to 1 day meal only ...

Whose walls have gone so old,

Whose malfunctioned toiletries,

No washing machine,

No water filter,

Have to go down to fetch water with lot of sarcasm

Like the last stay where the punjabi lady keeps on passing bitter remarks and demands to fetch water for her from far away source,

My time river has arrivef 

Again in an one roomed arrangement 

Where i can access the fridge with vile taunts...

With peeled Paints here and there, imaginary creatures keep crawling to my amusement 

Like a fairytale has unfolded again...

My bio-rhythm breaks occasionally 

And Kundalini ran down in utter shock to hide in unreachable caverns,

But keep climbing to Sahasrara

And reestablishes the bio-rhythm 

As I see the signature of my father upon the foundation of this building 

And a painstaking voice of someone knocks at my door asking for help and with namkeens and sweets as offering of a grateful heart who followed me and the same path I took to come to this earth

And somehow finds the thread to remember me

In long drainage of forgetfulness of a defunct mind.

THE ETERNAL TRAITOR¡: THE ETERNAL LOVER!

 THE ETERNAL TRAITOR¡: THE ETERNAL LOVER!

The unreal grounds of the eternal traitor and the eternal lover seems to glow sometimes and sometimes everything becomes hazy.
Real:Unreal
One side promises Acceptance, bloomed lotuses, nectar, beautiful songs, Peace, Comfort, Shelter, relaxation, Home, Heavenly fairies and angels and saints as children and the Smile of the Divine- a bouquet of a showering blessings....
The other side threats with treacherous path, darkness, smoke, hideous, blood thirsty creature, howling, treachery sneaking and peeping from every dark branch like a hypnotizing python with a sly smile....
The eternal Giver and the eternal taker/ beggar/ looter walk and trail side by side, rhythm to rhythm, never hand in hand, always together,
As the Life and death.
One promises enteance, induction the other promises exit and dismissal.
They trail together upon unreal pathwhere the eternal traitor pose as the eternal lover and turn the eternal lover aas the assumed cheat, traitor- hurting, insulting whenever there is a confrontation that you are not upto the mark. You never give me life always had given me poison...
With this stabbing knife which was created out of lies and deceits the tritor plunge deeep into the heart of the lover...
Silently, swiftly without haste with a master technique no one can ever beat...
The lover cry out loud with pain and disgust with a wailing heart, what you did you fool?
Ih, you called me fool.
You are idiot also, screwed up too.
Oh, now you said all that to me,
Comes the shrewed sorrow from the heart that is red with the blood of the lover who is bleeding.
Now i must leaveyou, says the traitor with  disguised sorrow...
I have been with you always, and see how you teeat me...
I am gone...
You can never reach me...
Ahhhhhh :Hahahahaha...
The curses whirl around like primal beasts ...
Dont go, pleads the lover...
Why you scold me insult me and now you urges me to stay, the unkind harsh traitor who always had assumed a falsity of sweetness breaks open the shell and shows the reàl harshness...
If i torture you now and not a single word comes out of your throat or mind in protest or detest, i willbrand as mine or yes, lover, unless you know...
For your this kind of nature you always meet with failure....
The traitor, saying this vanishes into the stinking darkness of the hell to be sorrounded by the hideous demons again and rejoice the unbreakable singlehood
The lover laying and sobbing thinks its the end of life and everything....
A sublime touch lifts her up from the ground and consoles her, sont grieve child... we are around...
The eternal lover looks at the touch... its a light..., loving and comforting...
Come close, calls the light...
How?
Just start...
And here, take it...
Your crown!
We bless you!
But he says i am worthless not to be praised.
We do otherwise.
Now come, walk...
Dont grieve and wail...
You have done your part.
We are happy.
We wmile.
Doesn't it mean anything to you...

Uneven Merger

Like a spy
Holding an uncanny lantern
Somewhere in the unseen baggages of the starry caravan,
The Moon appeared in the east sky like a stranger passing a strange landin the late mid night,
And peeped into my room through the window.
Looking little awkward,
Asking for help or to wait for illuminate in a way to look golden,
Yet to catch the dazzling wild, sacredness, He smiles and implores, Don't sleep.
I have just come, how can you ...

Ascending the unbelievable uneven staircase,
I reach the moon alone
And fell asleep immediately.
The giant, beautiful head beneath the moon started talking to me, to the soul inside that never needs sleep, sat quitely taking the valuable teaching of the night class of the AdiGuru, who takes on the role of father in the daytime.

This time I was alone.
Day before,
I had shown the same secretly waning moon to someone else
The moon was carrying still lot of valid secret information and was avoiding general mainstream,
Looking alluring, being caught, it had sung many lores to the heart that understands it and must have wanted an exit by the dawn.

This night, the other one was there,  appeared to be there but was not there, as i call a voice from a distance spoke something inaudible, fallen into deep poisonous caverns of giant monsters  and thinking it as an adventute, the other one was too proud to confirm that i am trapped.

The moon noted down hurriedly everything and put it in a velvety bag of carnation, added some perfume and flowers into it. Then thinking something it unpacked everything again to become confused not able to classify which one is flower & which one perfume.

The contemplative Unseen Lord Chandrasekhar felt a stirring and opening the third eye looked at the moon and enquired- what's wrong?
Why you ask? And who are you? Bewildered moon queried back.
You are in my head, came the subtle, answer.
But i float the entire sky, the moon looked puzzled this time.
Yes, in my head, the Lord replied again, now what's  the confusion?
Which one flower and which one is the perfume, i failed to classify.
God answered quietly- it's an uneven merger, you witnessed that which is going on since ages trying to solve itself ...
Don't interfere.
Let it be.

Life & Beyond

Running as a child  

In a full grown grass field

towards a windmill-

Silently, slowly whirling 

One blade after the other

Like a watch-body,

A firki in one hand

And a kite in the other

Gleeful laughter spread

Illuminating the soft features of the small, delicate face

That has so much to find, so much to know

It's  about inception of a mind to the world 

Being inducted into life and it's weird  principles 

Seeing the child running  towards  the windmill in a grass field

À kite and a firki in both hands

Giggling joyfully,

No more blinking of a light in the human mind

There is nothing to find,

Nothing to know anymore..

Life -known, felt, resigned

Every inch of the earth, people known, well researched,  warrants no more inquisitiveness

No longer curious

Mo more journey forward

Walking around nameless trees and

Whatever mystery  that is upheld beyond the sky

The stale mind enters into a slate like river-bed...

Lots of sand gaping -

Overstretched  narrates dullness

Still a patch of water flowing 

Going somewhere continuously, hooks the attention that friges slowly

A wistful thought arises 

O Ocean, willI I ever be able to reach you

With my tired limb and painful legs..

Not a river nor a cloud

How can I reach life-beyond, while being in life

But that's the catch, jerks and compels the aching being to move forward 

Towards nowhere,  to find nothing...

Dr. Debahuti 

☆Life Beyond 

25.08.2022

Kanan Vihar 

The Eye Opener

 She Comes ...

The dark one,

Wearing black 

Almost invisible with the cosmic dust

A disguise that no mortal can easily invade.

The sight of the Dark Mother-

Not a blessing 

Nor does She blesses

To produce more clutches, sackles & chains,

She comes as the whistle blower

To her ailing children,

To show the gate of the large, puzzling prison.

To materialise freedom.

She comes

To be present everywhere 

Filling up thousands of positions

Thousands of life.

Touching the sleepy heads,

Sedating,

Pouring drugs into the vain-

Whispering into the soul-

Dont fear...

The path is dark

No lights,

No tools in your hand,

No knowledge of how to venture

But I m there.

Hssssss..... forget the fear...

If it's so scary, sit in the vehicle and sleep 

You will be driven.

Don't panic in case your eyes open at the horrific scenes your brain does process

They are just pictures

& your brain does not know how to analyse things once you leave your home.

Shhhhhh... relax.

Few are there

Who does not listen to her

And keep their eyes open

On the tumultuous roller coaster journey

Gasping for dear breath sometimes they smile as the vehicle take a turn

Where the masters of Milkyway busy throwing parties with the stars and moons

And sometimes they cry out loud holding their heart 

As the unimaginable creatures surfaces from the blackholes...

She looks back from her driving seat and smiles ...

Keep your eyes open

She announces....

Don't close.

Your are in the amazement park.

The Lost Guest

 As the night ascends

One step after the other

Towards bluish vaccum,

Towards the Crescent & the Crescent Holders,

With seriousness as it's attire

And wilderness as the ornaments

Unconsciously it becomes a carrier of the eerie, the unseen, the non- apparent, the no-yes existences of different dimensions...

In the flight that cruises

Intense silence that is born out of non- piercing darkness,

Goddess Kali along with Mahakal takes the window and isle seat of the front row....

Dakini, jogini follows the suit...

So many animals singing the nocturnal songs follows suit...

Whose pranik antennae becomes very much alert and active in the night.

The whole earth wrapped in non- movement moves towards offering upasana- of it's core presence towards the celestial caravan ....

As I feel without feeling 

The neutral energy

The pure energy 

That comes out of plus-minus charge,

My soul arches, yearns to participate in the giant procession...

But holding either positive or negative or the mixture of the both the energy not the fusion of it, i wander streets after street only scanning the darkness that is potent with something one never experiences,

I couldn't reach the proper counter where i can encash a ticket.

But She is there.

She waves at me...

Parameshwar silently watching

Expectant, eager with a subtle ache in his heart for me to join...

Beeps brilliance that becomes guiding fireflies

Parameshwari active helping out in every possible way to reach out a new born

To stand up !!

A lost one to reunite with the herd

Where i belong.

Back to Square One

When my fingers stopped counting the beads...

You are there before me!

I find you

In my breathing 

In my heart

In each pore of my being,

Now heading towards my brain

Claiming it as your much acclaimed seat!!

O guest,

You are there always?

And i thought you have just arrived...

So you are not there in the beading, in the chantings.

As you claim?

How?

All my endeavours were useless...?

Is that it, O, tell me?

You are there with me always?

I have ran countless roads to reach you?

And as you are there now

Before me

You are telling

I am back to square one...

O simple existence,

I have taken such difficult and compliated waysto reach you!

Foolish of me?

Is that it?

Those endless roads

Those yearnings, those searches are for nothing.

I reached the spot

Where i have started.

It's just a circle.

But, no.

While going

I went empty handed

While coming back

I had got something 

In my closed hands.

I will open them now.

What is there, let me check.

Your signature?

A gift?

What?

Reached square one,

But this time

I am not altogether blind

Able to see a bit in the darkness

May be yet to develop the proper ability to interpret whatever i see.