The Camouflage

 You Camouflage ......... 🪩✨️✨️✨️All over ... everywhere around me constantly looking at me, smiling- marking my every move,

loving me always - encouraging, forcing me to forge ahead -
jerking, making me awake from the fatal slumber, cooing, buzzing - leaving notes written with no script, always around- eager to appear...
but silent as you know I m still not ready...

Here you are... and here you are not...

I don't find joy knowing this nowadays
after the long fifteen years of mystic brush with you.

I cried and noone heard noone bothered, laughed, and threw me as leftover.
You heard and comforted me. I am not to know this,
I was lost, no consciousness- in a coma half-dying.
I didn't know when you came nursed me, caressed my bruises ...
healed my deep dark wounds slowly... i didnt know anything...

But understanding now joining one piece with the other of this grand puzzle of my lifepath.

I know it's useless to thank you 
I m breathing today without gasping - all because of you, O healer... I am confident and strong today -
its because you inserted those grains drop by drop in every other day till i sustain and get up from the demonic pit.

Okay, so I won't say thank you... but would like to say with a silent cry churning painfully my heart that - I definitely miss you.

Whatever I was searching everywhere in every face - it was only you.

I miss you more now...

O Everything, its the month of May when you send me to this earth and make me bring the one - the "Light Soul" you wanted to import....
Its the same May and I am again trembling... happening for some days now... a small rustle of leaves touching me as thunderstorm undoing every effort of yours.... 

Help save your temple..... where you are gonna reside if your place is flooded and ransacked.. 

are you waiting patiently  

The knowledge- the path, the lense that you gave me is working perfectly and I have redeveloped the deteste for everything the is not nature defined and validated by you. 

I can see and feel my childhood days...

The nauseated mornings turning into comforted afternoons and the evenings of solace...

The same pattern is repeating itself...

The renaissance is making me restless and anchored at the same time.

I am hurt to see how people act nonsense, low level - cant cross the basic-instinct-fencing their act,  talk full with futility.

Disgust soars me, boredom encircles me...

I don't understand what I m doing here where everything has become meaningless,

what I m doing here where I don't belong...

Where is my world, my place,

Where are my type of people.

O Blue Whale, lying there in the ocean beneath me, unseen,

When will you surface- come to me, trusting me...

Tell me when I will be ready? 

The Current Print

Where there is no one
Still the white lillys sway
Upon the quiet lake
Pining to take a bath
In the ray of light
Rushing down
From the moon's door,
A sensation runs
here to there searching for some entity - that is present-
So far is not captured by the lense of the bare eyes...
An entity - that leaves it's 'current print' in every corner...

After crawling upon the huge hand of the elephant
in its silent quest for crumbs,
The ant reports to the herd chief I crossed an ashy patch of land that was breathing.

The Faceless, the formless, has taken the form of everything-
the lilly, lake, tree, shrubs, half light-half dark, the mystique moon -
a giant puzzle lying
right before the eyes,
that the human brain fails to apprehend.

It murmurs -
Ye, see me.
Come.

The Sempiternal Kin

 The beautiful teacher stands firm this time - serious and resolute - as I arrive.

Oozing out immense power...
The white of her eyes
Burns like newborn stars
Evading the black pupil
And spreads all over the place
The whole rooftop is full tilt filled with her eyes only...

One moment She is here
With me, within me
The next She is nowhere
Along with the starry light
To a distant land
And the very next moment
She appears again...
Engulfing me, hissing from within
Glowing gold all over her body
The crown has grown bigger in size now
Many snakes peeps out of the diamonds, rubbies...
Pythons dangle with her hair

As I lock my eyes with hers She pulls my soul towards her
'Loose yourself, your present id and claim your original lineage' - She murmurs...
Her face, neck and hands merging with the hoods of seven headed King Kobra...
For a brief moment
I don't find me.

5.4.25

Sabuja Nadi re Chandra ra Mauna Sangeeta

Rati ra Chandra-
Unmadana re bhara
Bibhavari ratha ra sarathi se
Bahut bata jibara achhi aji bi
Sabu rati chalibara eka hin brutta
Baki alaga alaga rasta
Bata hin Roopa badalae
Ete kautuhala lakhichhi 
akhi re... seithi lagi.

Bhasha re maun Sangeeta ra lahara
Sunanti nadia bahunga mane
Tipi rakhanti sabuja naadi re...
Shiva nka ushnisha ra asankhya Omkara ...
Bahi Jae Chandra upara
Akash Ganga pari
Bhagavati Bhubaneswari nka
Hreeng nada ra meghamala
nayeen asanti Vasuki ra
anamadheya ajasra mumdamala pari...

Ete bhida re Chandra chale rati ra rasta dhimei dhimei
Bele bele lage thaka batoi soi galaki...
Dhyanastha Chandra Adijogi nka jatajuta bhitare padi, hunting khandia khabara- 12 ghanta chaliba pare bhete Surya nku.

Sankhole, Raja-danda dharei dei kahe jemiti- Sambhala ebe.
Surya pacharanti- ajika report?
Mauna Chandra- ishara re gachha, pahada, pathara, nadi, jharana o jagrata sannyasi nka adaku chahein kebala...

Sabuja Nadi re Chandra ra Mauna Sangeeta

17.1.2025

The Ward

Threads...

Between Ishitwa & me...

So subtle so much unbelievable

Yet

It's there...

The call from the only relative

From a far away land

A symbolic letter

A disguised gesture...

This & that

Because I had forgotten my home...

So,

A shadow, a feeling touches me cutting my earthly existence, unconscious levels...

The parent is calling a sleeping child,

Caressing her head,

Her limbs with an engulfing & enveloping love noone ever knows...

'Get up child,

Get up...'

In the hinge of wakefulness and sleep of the soul

In the half shadow half light I hear a voice

Now loud now goes inaudible...

Low

Very low...

How I love to open my eyes to see the nectar filled face sitting beside me, calling me to wake up.

The hand is giving me a jerk sometimes...

Very bold and strong

If it were a mere sleep stage

It would have woken me up earlier

I am in a coma

And in the charge of the Divine as the doctor!

The guardian is so patient - She or He never loses hope
It's not my case now.
It's the case of the Doctor.

The more I slip into the valleys of unconsciousness, filled with lies untruth and distrust
by the dream world that surrounds me, whispering in my ear all the sorrows all the failures I have been through here, the more the Loving Being is persistent to show me the truth, the realm of brilliant light,
Of love
Of bliss!

I extend my paralysed hand to,
O the Loving one
So powerful,
Pull me out
Take me to you!

She Comes...

I call her
And She comes.
This is happening now,
Consciously, unconsciously...
She comes,
And Her Arrival is announced with
A Mad Black Butterfly dashing around me with terrific speed... and vanishing into the inkish blue of the twilight sky—
As a messenger delivering something urgently,
And returning fast to where She is needed.

Then these small bats encircle, capering, announcing Her Arrival.
She is closer,
They say—the sixty-four Joginis hovering... twirling...
The moments fuse.
My gaze, now an unwinking steady stare,
Makes Her appear before me.

She comes,
Riding the bat chariot.
One, two, three, four—and then many bats congregate in the sky above my head...
She wakes up,
Opening her large, blue eyes...
The bats circle in rhythm now, frisking.
And She places her first step upon the lotus.
The bats move and whirl madly now,
Faster and faster...
Somewhere around the strange, salient soiree,
A lotus staircase descends,
And She ascends and descends in confusion... worried and angry.

I know She is around,
I have to offer Her a lotus-seat
Upon my head.
I create the lotus,
It blooms, pouring bright light to close the next moment and get lost in darkness—
Blooms and closes,
Light and Darkness...
The Goddess goes up and down in a mad frenzy.
It goes on and on for some time,
Finally settling with the blooming lotuses and the radiating light.

The Dark Goddess ascends dark chambers,
Lighting one by one within me and bursting out of my head,
To fill and spread the empty space surrounding me...

She smiles, sitting upon the fully blossomed lotus—jerking her right eyelashes, illuminated now in bluish starry light,
Wearing a chimerical golden crescent and an aurous third eye on her forehead,
Glowing like a newborn Sun—radiating, pulsating as a blooming yoni—a black hole merging with the white one,
Drinking and spilling hot blood, lava, nectar, about to deliver the cosmos...

She whistles sharp and calls me.
Let us start the journey.
Look at me.
Focus on my eyes...
And be still.
She instructs with the seriousness of the ancient teacher,
Long-forgotten.

She places her reddened feet, adorned with hissing serpents, wearing jewels and tinkling bells... and dances...
Jham jham jham jham...
She, the formless—sways...
Siiii siiii siiii siii shiii siiiii.
My brain roars,
With Sahasrara opening up petals after petals,
With swarming honeybees...
Siii siiiii siiiii siiiii siiii siiiii.
And She simmers and sways,
Side to side...
She, the Faceless One.

I know She is around, with this internal music started within my being,
And the mad bats outside, whirling —celebrating her arrival, in silence.
She cavorts, frolicking with the silence roaring.

'Ei Mickey....'

'Ei Mickey....'

Kalima called me sharply with a funny note

like a small girl shrieks in thrilling joy...

Ascending into the Sky very quickly from the Champa tree, where She was waiting for me,

She called me Ei Mickey....'

Spreading her designer feather that shines in the sky and then slowly closing all her forked tail her beautiful face to look like a thin arrow,

She called me Mickey...

She called me Mickey 

Like She is very happy with me

like a friend who calls to play every day.

She loves to call me mickey. Now I know. She has named me Mickey. Why... 

in my father's voice she had called me mickey...earlier..

But this is the first time she called directly...Ei Mickey...

and i smiled.

it sounded so sweet...

10.6.24

🌹🔱🌹🔱🌹

Champa gachga ru udi asi sunya ku laharei uthi, designdar kala chitrita pakhya ku jhoti rangoli bhali kholi akashare ati sundara lanja au muhan ku puni buji dei eka teera bhali sajei dei olhei asila... 

dakila, e mickey...

bhari mitha swara re baki funny tone re...

Like she is happy with me...